tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2487772229016659871.post7458554671712015128..comments2023-10-05T10:16:05.411-07:00Comments on A Novel Idea: WIP Wednesday!Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00046973789031899869noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2487772229016659871.post-36447512359539142052010-03-26T15:24:58.098-07:002010-03-26T15:24:58.098-07:00Good start. And posting this on here is very brave...Good start. And posting this on here is very brave!<br />a few things:<br />Why is everything in present tense? Kudos for you to sticking to it, but it is much easier to write in past tense. (The next point is a good reason why.)<br /> <br />Nix ALL the "Beginning to,""starting to," "hoping to," etc. "Her lip trembles" is much stronger than "her lip begins to tremble."<br /><br />From the very beginning, to when Michelle threatens to come over and tell Auntie off herself, take out ALL the filler. Just leave the dialogue. Now see how much stronger that is. You put so much filler in that it slows the tempo of an otherwise fun and fast scene. Limit how much filler you want to put in. Your characters have personality in the dialogue you've written for them, so you don't need to keep telling your audience how they say things. They can tell by what they're saying how they're saying it.<br />This is important to do during the sister thing as well.<br />For example:<br /><br />“I don’t want a girls’ night,” she says, “I want you to go to the stupid dance and have fun. Now leave me alone.”<br /><br />“Fine, go ahead and wallow,” I head for the door. <br /><br />Julie’s lower lip trembles but I’m still annoyed. I go back to my own room and remember Michelle on the other end of the line. “Hey, sorry.”<br /><br />See? The writing is there! You just have to edit like a crazy person, trusting you're a strong enough writer without having to constantly prove it with superfluous words. Excellent start!Lira Kellermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17642476041389723474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2487772229016659871.post-77749502361902093812010-03-24T19:15:51.832-07:002010-03-24T19:15:51.832-07:00I agree with Hannah! Post more...what happens next...I agree with Hannah! Post more...what happens next! This novel is amazing! You are a fantastic writer, you could be a published author one day!<br /><br />I am new to blogging, so I would love if you stopped by my blog and followed me.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />Megan<br />www.followinghispath2.blogspot.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2487772229016659871.post-71896306960320250442010-03-24T11:24:55.408-07:002010-03-24T11:24:55.408-07:00OH! I'm beginning to LOVE this novel...you MUS...OH! I'm beginning to LOVE this novel...you MUST post more up soon. It's very intriguing, and I have to find out what happens. :-)<br /><br />Love & Blessings,<br />--HannahHannah Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11591201948135426218noreply@blogger.com